Crazy Crafty Cat Chick

What Happened?

2009-07-19T20:14:00.002-05:00

Yeah, the Mac died, I got a new job, bought a house and Hubby got laid off. Needless to say, I've been a bit off the grid lately. But mascot Hubby would like you to know that Crazy Crafty Cat Chick will be posting more often now. In spite of shitty insurance, I am doing very well on Cymbalta and living life without wanting to kill others or myself. Always a good thing! My job is great, the people there are fantastic. My cats are wonderful as always. And I have a social life, now. Who knew life could be so good once you get stable?

New House

2008-10-04T21:25:00.007-05:00

Hubby, Drama, Stetson, Tubby, BabyGirl, Mike Neko, Deano and I all moved into our new house last weekend. We are slowly but surely settling in and changing things to our liking. I put up new curtians so we won't get TOO familiar with our neighbors. Drama has discovered that being inside the basement drop ceiling is the place to be. Hubby and I bought a new sink/countertop for the bathroom today. The one that came with the house is probably 20 years old and has a shell shape for the sink. We have a nice sized lot with some birches and stuff. Not too big though, which is good. Neither Hubby nor I are very jazzed about yard work. I started doing laundry the other night and was thrilled about it since it wasn't 3 floors down and 2 security doors away.

Here are a few pics. Think of them as "before." The house will be a work in progress, I have a lot of plans. Hardwood or tile in the kitchen and bath. Glass backsplash in the kitchen. And of course, paint everywhere.

Introducing Deano Martino

2008-09-10T21:42:00.004-05:00

Here are the first photos of our new kitten. Hubby named him Deano after Dean Martin of the Rat Pack...

He's full of energy and a total clown. He'll dive bomb the big cats so he's either very dumb or really brave. And he's very smart. Just adorable.

Hey Sarah Palin...

2008-09-03T22:01:00.004-05:00

Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP! Shut UP!

Back to you, Jimmy.

On the Home Front

2008-09-02T20:32:00.002-05:00

We should be closing on our first home around the 19th. It's a duplex in a suburb of Madison. Enough room for Hubby, the kitties and myself. I have tons of ideas already for decorating.
The new job is still going really well. Today went by really quickly. Such a nice change from watching the clock, suffering with every passing minute.
I've started a new semi-hobby. I've stretched my ear piercings from the regular size up to 10 gauge. I won't be going all crazy big, so don't freak. We'll see. "Why?" you ask? Because all of the cool earrings are in bigger gauges. So there.

Dark Knight Deleted Scene

2008-08-10T15:44:00.001-05:00

I <3 Dr Horrible

2008-07-28T18:52:00.000-05:00

BookMooch May Drive me Postal

2008-07-20T00:34:00.003-05:00

I heard that there were websites on which you can trade books with other readers. Hubby and I have hundreds of books taking up a lot of space and I thought this would be a great idea...
I found BookMooch and made a profile. Apparently you list all the books you want to share and you get a notice if someone wants one. Then YOU pay the postage to send it to that person. Okay, I just won't make my profile international. Hubby says the book rate is like 80 cents for US mail. No problem. Until I listed my books. I have an inventory of 63 books. As of this moment I have 48 emails in my inbox from people requesting I send them a book.

Holy crap on a biscuit.

I'm not saying that sharing books is a bad idea. I actually love it. I just don't know what to do. If I deny these people their books, I get negative feedback and then people won't send me any. It's pretty overwhelming for a newbie.

Video Smile of the Week

2008-07-16T21:22:00.001-05:00

Okay, maybe more than a week. Things are good on the job front. Here's some kitty cuteness for you.

Overheard

2008-07-08T18:32:00.003-05:00

"Oh! OH fuck YOU, English people! What are you doing? Why are you putting that in your mouth!?"

Hubby, commenting on Anthony Bourdain's trip to England during which he eats roast bone marrow spread on toast with parsley salad and blood-cake.

The Definition of TMI

2008-07-04T02:14:00.002-05:00

So, once upon a time a little girl was born. When she was 18 she was very excited to be able to donate blood at a drive held in her school by the Red Cross. She went through all of the preliminary tests and was told she couldn't donate since she had a fever. She found that strange since she felt fine. A few days later while in art class, she bent down to pick something up and hit her tailbone on a shelving unit. "Wow!" she thought, "That hurt much more than it should have." It continued to hurt so she asked her Mom to take a look later that night. The girl's Mom laughed knowingly and agreed to check it out. "Yup, you've got a pilonidal cyst." "Say what!?" exclaimed the girl.
That was my introduction to my inheritance. My Mom had it, my Dad had it, all of my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins had it. Now I had it, too. I had never noticed it but my Mom had a scar in her natal cleft (that's a nice way of saying butt crack) from her surgery that she had when she was around 20 years old. A few weeks after that fateful evening, I went in for my surgery. The doctors told me it had to do with how your baby butt cheeks form in the womb and that tons of people inherit it from their parents. During the surgery, the MD excised the abscess and six sinus tracts. "You shouldn't have any more problems." he said. So, I got to miss a week of school my senior year. I lied around on my stomach and got waited on while I healed. I told my classmates I was having my tail removed. Hey, the scar backs it up! Having a tail is much better than telling your teenage friends you have a massive, painful zit on your butt crack. About 5 years later, I had another flare up. Guess the doc missed a sinus. I didn't have insurance so I just rode it out. Guess what. Another 5 years later I got one again. This time I did have insurance so I got a week off of work and laid around on my stomach again. My math may be a little off but that was a little over two years ago. A few months ago I felt some soreness/swelling and went to have a surgical consultation. The chick said it was probably just scar tissue. Yeah, sure.
Why am I writing about this? Because it came back! Dammit all to hell. This is one of the most ridiculous afflictions ever! And I just took a new job. Part of which is to take over for a chick who will be out on maternity leave soon. So, there's no way I can go in for another surgery right now. Guess I'll be riding this one out, too.
Thanks Mom and Dad. This is a blast. Really.

Awe to the Some

2008-07-01T00:48:00.000-05:00

On A New Road

2008-07-01T00:39:00.002-05:00

Well, I started my new job today, kinda. I only did a few hours in order to get a jump on learning the payroll. The woman I'll be taking over the payroll from is pregnant and will be having her baby in about 6 weeks so I wanted as much time with her as possible. The next 4 days will be my last few days off for a while. Then I start the new position full time. The office is only 11 people. I'm looking forward to learning new things and being able to start over with all new people. Of course, I'm afraid I'll say too much, get to attached. Or, come off as too stand-offish if I try to keep a professional distance in order to protect myself.
Hubby and I decided to let the house go. The seller is having a hard time getting his lender to allow him to sell since he'd still have about 40K left on his mortgage after the sale. So, that coupled with the rise in gas prices, the tiny lot and the age of the house caused us to rethink the hassle of it all. I'm kind of glad we are able to get out of it and look for something closer to, in not in, Madison.
After adding the Wellbutrin back into my regimen, things are looking up. Then again, it could also be only because I no longer feel trapped in my old job...

I'm so glad this was just training.

2008-06-23T21:27:00.001-05:00

I found this on Failblog.org

Go check it out.

Finally

2008-06-23T21:23:00.003-05:00

I got a new job. So, I ditched the old one and start my new position the first week of July. Can I tell you how good it feels? Whoo Hoo!

Derailed

2008-06-02T21:11:00.003-05:00

I saw my psychiatrist today. She added Welbutrin to my Cymbalta. So, now I'm on 150mg of Welbutrin and 60mg of Cymbalta. Thank god for health insurance. I've become generally unhappy with life. My job blows and other areas of life have definitely lost their sparkle. I need to work on my self esteem. Anyone have any advice? And good books to read on the subject? Should I get a workbook or a self esteem journal? Does any of that crap work? How exactly do you stop requiring other peoples' acknowledgment of your glorious personality traits in order to believe that you truly are a worthwhile individual? Why are women who grow up without fathers destined to look for their self worth in the eyes of a man? Ah, dammit. Being a grown up sucks the big one. On a lighter note; I love Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations.

OMG

2008-05-31T21:52:00.002-05:00

This is hilarious. It's by the same dudes that did You Suck at Photoshop, contiunuing the story with a friend of Donnie's. I cried from laughter. I took a short trip to Sim world years ago and I couldn't get out of my "Mom's" house. My Mom and I kept peeing on the floor and dying. It sucked. I never got a clue as to how to LEAVE THE HOUSE! So, I popped Tomb Raider back in, entered all the cheat codes and blew away some bad guys. I was good at that.
Enjoy.

You Suck at Photoshop

2008-05-31T21:35:00.002-05:00

Hope you enjoy the surliness.

What Makes Me Happy?

2008-05-31T20:37:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I bitch and moan too much. I hate to be that person so I wanted to prove that I do have joy in my life. :)

Sushi - I love it. I don't know exactly why but it's yummy. I could live on sushi. I have a sushi shower mat and shower curtain. Wasabi rules.

Water - I grew up within a 2 hours' drive of the Atlantic Ocean. I liked the feeling of being on the edge of the continent. I love the feeling of being enveloped in water and supported by it. I love night swimming. The nights my friends and I would have bonfires on Assateague Island were special.

My cats - Sounds silly but I get enormous joy from my cats. Drama, Stetson, BabyGirl, MikeNeko and Tubby are all wonderful felines. Not one of them runs for cover when confronted with a stranger. They all see that person as another person that can give them attention. When I settle into bed at night with MikeNeko on my pillow curled around my head and Stetson or BabyGirl curled by my feet I can't help but smile. I spoil my cats and it hasn't ruined them at all. They're all special and distinct individuals.

Every DBSA meeting we end the night with something good that happend to us that week. I think I will try to do that here. I'm really not Misery incarnate. I swear.

A Perfect Representation of How I Feel

2008-05-25T00:05:00.004-05:00

I stumbled upon The Civility Webpage II yesterday and found this little gem. I never ask someone how they are unless I actually care. You'll mostly hear me say, "Hey" as a salutation. I generally don't like people and couldn't care less as to how they are "doing."

Time Marches On

2008-05-24T23:10:00.002-05:00

Life in general trudges on. Reading a lot of Robin Cook books. Going to work in my secluded little corner of the company. Still waiting on things to wrap up with the house. The sellers have to figure out how they're going to pay off their mortgage and pay their 2007 property taxes before the title can be transferred.
Have you ever had a friend that makes you wonder why you're friends? I have a friend I've known since 1996 and he and I have very little in common. I think he's a really cool, intelligent guy. Probably a genius. But our personalities just don't jive. We don't really share a common sense of humor, he puts much more worth in objects of "status" and is very judgmental. Yet, we're still friends. I told him about going to my DBSA support group and he immediately said something like, "Support groups are worthless." I have issues with that. 1. This is something that I see has merit. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels that there is something wrong with me. That everyone else in the world can deal with the stressors of life, but I can't. 2. How would he know? Unless you have first hand knowledge of something how can you make a judgment? You can't. If you do, you're just being an ass. Well, what can you do? I admire and respect him. And I've learned that anticipating how someone will feel in reaction to his actions are not something he does. At all.
There was a young guy in group this past week. He made me think about myself at his age. If my mom had seen my depression and taken me to a therapist for it rather than to get me to do my chores and not argue with my step-father. Or if I had found a group in college, maybe I wouldn't have dropped out. I wouldn't have put more importance on a relationship than my classes and wouldn't have floundered living on my own and attempted suicide after finding myself alone and feeling worthless. It could have made all the difference in my life. But whatever. I told him to stay in therapy. His life could really work out and he won't find himself in his thirties questioning every decision he's ever made. I hope he takes the advice.

Gratuitous Dude Post

2008-05-21T20:37:00.002-05:00

Go see IronMan. It's good. I don't normally like action hero movies but Robert Downey Jr is a actor I find facinating. It may be the fact that he obviously has a few demons. That always makes someone more interesting.

I Got Tagged, You like me, you REALLY like me!!!

2008-05-18T15:49:00.005-05:00

I have been tagged by La at Letters from Exile to do a viral linking post.
The benefits of viral linking :

One of the fastest ways to see your technorati authority explode!

Increase your google page rank quickly

Attract large volume of new traffic to your site

What more does a blogger want?[:D]

The not-so difficult rules:

I am selecting 5 of my favorite bloggers and all you have to do is tag 5 other people and the list goes on.

One important rule is just keep adding your blog to the long list! Do not delete the other blogs. This is a viral linking post!

And the blogs tagged are:

1 Pattersons of Ethiopia
2 Silent Porn Star
3 Kitschy Kitschy Coo
4 MediaWingNuts
5 I can't believe I don't have another one.

Here comes the loooooong list! Add your blog to the end of the list!

The Strategist Note Book

The Classy Life

Agenc Was Here

When Life Becomes a Book

The Haven

The FireWalker

crystrad

nadnuts

ThomasWelcome

Maitri

Dhanosh

Marketing Myself

Brawny Hunk

Motorparasi

Nicksplat

Annette

Super Hero Extraordinare

Everyday should be Christmas

The Gadget Guru tech

Available Light

Dad's Dish

What Goes Under the Sun

One Quart Low

Stephan Miller

Mental Poo

Search for Blogging

Renatodoxaguia

Angel Baby

The Sleeping Turtle Art Gallery

Hanna

JollyJo

Olga the traveling bra

Concept is addict

Postarelibero

Nokhathai

Momreviews

Into the Rabbit Hole

Smile! Tomorrow could be a lot worse!

Wicked Whispers

Anand's blog

Catatonic Kid: A Mind Boiling Over

Discorax's House of Woot

Blogging from the Bog

Shiv's Brain

Secret Spiritual Dance

Sisters of a Different Order.

OMYWORD! Did I say that?

Letters from Exile.

~From the Myst~

I-Ching Online.

The World According to Me

Rantings & Ramblings

Crazy Crafty Cat Chick.

The BearTwins Mom

Gracefully Abnormal

Have fun doing this fruit-bearing meme.

Not Working From Home

2008-05-14T20:22:00.002-05:00

Well, they turned down my proposal to work from home. I won't go into all of the details but let's just say it makes little sense. But I am going to move my work area to a different floor tomorrow afternoon. Then I won't have to interact with the people that drive me crazy and maybe I'll be able to be less anxious. One the house front; the mortgage is still in the air. Of course our lender still says it's going to be done. We'll see.

IAM Pierced

2008-05-11T00:25:00.002-05:00

My labret is healing. I can eat solid food again. And since I wrote up a review of my experience, I now have a membership to BME Zine. Awesome. I have an IAM page there. Here's the link.

Anyone Know Where My Camera Is?

2008-05-08T20:20:00.003-05:00

I got a labret today and can't find my camera to put up a pic. Dang it.

I'm sure one of the cats hid it on me since I make them model for me all the time. As soon as they give up the location, I'll take photos and show how pretty it is.

Rest In Peace

2008-04-25T20:16:00.002-05:00

Our friend Steve passed away on Tuesday after committing suicide by stepping in front of a train. He was unique, witty, smart, funny, sensitive, creative and my husband's other half. I'm sorry he felt that was the only solution to his problems but I understand where he was coming from. I feel the loss but more than anything, I hurt for the loss my husband feels. We'll be going to Steve's memorial in Chicago on Sunday. I'm happy for Steve that he doesn't feel the pain and hopelessness anymore that bipolar disorder caused. Now the rest of us need to process the loss and hopefully come to terms with it.

No Picture Needed

2008-04-22T19:21:00.002-05:00

I use this as kind of a journal. Today something very sad happened and I may write more about it later but I don't want to disrespect the gravity of the situation. Hubby got a call earlier today that his best friend ( the best man at our wedding last year) stepped in front of a train today. On purpose. He didn't make it. It hurts. And it hurts that I know Hubby hurts SO much more than I can imagine but I can't do much to help.

Oh, There's More

2008-04-19T23:42:00.003-05:00

Being in therapy for so long, I've realized I have, of course, become more self aware. But I've also noticed that I wonder WHY I feel the way I feel. I've been doing really well lately and have wondered why. Normal people don't wonder, "why have I been in a generally good mood for an extended period time, lately." I do. I think I've come to a realization about why. I have hope. When I feel trapped in my job and see no way out of being lonely and worthless, I get mean and depressed. I have no patience and hate everyone. But in the past few weeks I've had the hope that I will work from home as well as the hope for the new house. Of course, it could all fall down around me and who knows how I'd react to that. But here's hoping that won't be the case. You're wondering why the black kitten, yes? Hubby said if we get the house I get to adopt a new kitten. Or an older cat if they have a history of getting along with other cats. Specifially, I'd love to find a long haired black girl kitty. One of my first fosters was a long haired black kitten Jesse and I had named Godiva. She passed away and I really loved her. I probably would have kept her if she had lived. I miss her.

Still Anxious & I Screwed Up My Hair

2008-04-19T22:43:00.003-05:00

Update on the House: The financing is still up in the air. Of course the dude says everything will be fine and the house is ours but until it's back from the underwriter with a big "OK" stamped on it, I'm not believing it, yet. We had the house inspected and it's a definitely a 90 year old house. The water heater and furnace need to be replaced. The old owners put new siding on but never replaced the gutters, so there's seepage in the basement. We would have to put gutters on. Hopefully that won't be too much. What else...? Plaster is cracked, paint is peeling. Both of the baths seem like the walls need to be replaced. The porch roof is wonky, like sloped in. Some of the window frames have little rotted spots on the outside. The attic needs tons more insulation. And there are leaky pipes. It'll be a LOT of work. I get that. I'm nervous. Hubby is not. So, taking all of this into account, I'll need/want to do the following. Put in more insulation, sand and replaster the walls, paint, replace the black vinyl in the kitchen, pull up the carpet in the upstairs (there are wood floors underneath,) scrape and repaint all the windows, replace the rotted boards, tear out and rewall and tile the 2 baths, retile the bath floors, strip and refinish all the original woodwork, replace the electric stove with gas, get a new fridge, tear out the drop ceilings in the living room and upstairs bath, replace with drywall, pull out my hair. Granted, none of this NEEDS to be done. We can live in it just as it is, but who would want to?

Speaking of hair, I put highlights in and the last 2 inches of my hair turned to gum, so off to the salon tomorrow.

Still no word from HR about working from home. I emailed the chick on Wednesday for an update and she said she'd be getting back to me soon. Sigh.

Really, You Have to Watch This

2008-04-15T19:17:00.002-05:00

It's all funny, but hang in there for the rant at the end. I can only pray that everyone else that understands and agrees goes out to vote.

Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy

2008-04-10T20:52:00.004-05:00

Well, our offer was accepted. Contingent upon our financing going through on Saturday. I hope it all goes well. I'm worried.

Another Day Another House

2008-04-10T14:14:00.002-05:00

This is the kitchen in the house we saw last night. It's about 90 years old complete with a cistern in the basement. It's beautiful. All the original wood work is still there (under like 12 layers of paint that we'll strip the first chance we get.) Yeah, there is vinyl in the kitchen, we'll take care of that. Maybe put in wood or tile. It has 3 bedrooms and 1.75 baths. Which is rare for an old house like this. Both are really good size. Even though it's old, it's been kept up and updated as needed so it's move it ready. We'll be making an offer tonight. We may not get it but as you see, I'm already making plans. It's a block off of Main St.

And here is Main St. It's so fabulous.

The town has a very Norwegian heritage that you can see everywhere. There is a house across the street from the one that we want that is a huge Victorian looking house with dragon mastheads coming off all of the eaves. It's really beautiful. If we move in, I'll take pictures of it.

Anyways, wish me luck.

On the job front, still haven't heard from HR about working from home but the HR rep knows to be looking for my doctor's letter that was sent out on Tuesday.

Family Plug

2008-03-31T15:49:00.003-05:00

This dude is my cousin, Dan Hazelton. He's an awesome tattoo artist. I remember visiting my Aunt's house when I was young and my cousins showing me their drawings. Both he and his brother had great artistic abilities. But Dan (Danny before he was all grown up) started drawing tattoo flash and then moved into tattooing. He's really talented. Go check out his site.

My Car Hates Me

2008-03-31T13:24:00.006-05:00

I've decided my car hates me. It wants to retire and I won't let it. I've been having issues with it not staying running when I start it. It'll run if I have my foot on the gas but as soon as I move it to the brake to shift, it dies. This morning, it just would not stay running. So, I had to call out. I'm not happy about that, since they are making their decision about letting me work from home. Anyways, I read online that several people who have this same problem keep the gas going for about a minute and car stays running. I planned on taking it to a shop about 3 blocks from the apartment so I would much rather try to get it running than pay for a tow! So, I did that and it worked. Took it to the shop and now I'm waiting to hear the verdict. Hope it isn't too much.

Update: Yeah, dude was a charlatan. A total ass. I need a tune up, a new radiator and a thermostat. All together he wanted about $900. I asked what would fix my immediate problem and he said the thermostat and some spark plugs. For which he wanted $400. Hubby said that was bullshit. We called another mechanic down the road and he was a lot more reasonable. And didn't give us the, "I'm going to rip you off" vibe.

Cross Your Fingers For Me

2008-03-28T17:03:00.002-05:00

I submitted a proposal today to work from home. If you've read any of the past posts, you know I have a hard time with work. As do all people struggling with depression and anxiety. Since I started working in corporate America, I've left every job feeling isolated, anxious and like a failure. I just can't handle all the people, all the politics, all the bullshit. So, since my company went paperless, I sit at my desk and process stuff. If I didn't get up to use the bathroom or take a lunch break, I wouldn't have to leave my chair. This led me to think, "I could do this from home." Then a light bulb went off. I looked up "Mental Illness" "work from home" and lo and behold. I can ask for accommodations to be made for me. This really is the best thing for both the company and myself. I get to keep my good pay and benefits (namely health ins for diabetic Hubby and 100% covered mental health.) My work performance is excellent. What I constantly get talked to about is my "attitude." I apparently give off a negative funk. And yeah, I hate the environment. So, please send all positive thoughts my way. If this doesn't get approved, I don't know what I can do.

Natalie's Gonna Beat Your Ass

2008-03-26T20:50:00.004-05:00

I know this is a little old but it's a two-fer. One, if you haven't seen this video, you need to. Right Now. And two, if you haven't already met, meet Hulu.com. Hulu is a website of tons of your favorite TV shows. I see a lot of TV show watching in my future.

Watch This

2008-03-22T15:18:00.002-05:00

From IMDB - Thomas McCarthy's 'The Station Agent' is a joyous and wondrous tale of three rather unique and quirky individuals whose lives intersect at an abandoned train depot in rural New Jersey.

When a dwarf named Fin inherits the station from a business partner, he moves there, hoping to find a place where he will finally be free from all the prying eyes, pointing fingers and knowing smiles he's been subjected to all his life. However, Fin finds that, even in isolation, it's not always easy to be alone. As soon as he takes up residence in his new abode, he meets up with Olivia and Joe, two people with whom he seems to have little in common, but with whom he manages to forge a lasting friendship. Olivia is a struggling artist who lost her young son two years earlier in a freak accident. Grief-stricken and trying to put the pieces of her life back together, Olivia experiences major mood swings that make it hard for others to get close to her, no matter how hard they try. Fin, likewise, is a shy, taciturn young man who has pretty much given up the possibility that he will ever be able to have a 'normal' relationship with other people (let alone women). Thus, he turns inward, throwing up barriers in an effort to keep people out of his life, hoping that, by doing so, he will avoid getting hurt any further. Joe, on the other hand, is a garrulous young Cuban who runs a hot dog stand right outside Fin's station, a man who chatters on endlessly about any subject and sees nothing wrong with forcing himself into Fin's life, blithely unaware that his company is the last thing Fin wants. Yet, Joe is so openhearted and good-natured that even Fin, though desperately craving privacy and silence, hasn't the heart to dampen the young man's desire for companionship and friendship. Somehow, through the trials and tribulations of daily living, these three strangers develop a bond of friendship, love and mutual support.

The set-up for 'The Station Agent' could have led to any number of serious pitfalls, given its potential for unbridled quirkiness and feel-good sentimentality However, McCarthy has managed to walk that fine line between preciousness and charm, contrivance and originality, calculation and spontaneity. He has fashioned an adroit screenplay filled with likable characters, rueful humor, clever one-liners and restrained slapstick. The film is less concerned with storyline and plot than it is with tone, mood and character interaction. Throughout the film, we seem to be eavesdropping on the lives of these people, understanding that we will never fully know all the life experiences that have gone into making them the people they are today, but happy to spend just this little bit of time with them anyway.

'The Station Agent' is a masterpiece of fine acting, with Peter Dinklage, Patricia Clarkson and Bobby Cannavale delivering pitch-perfect, bell-ringing performances. As the reticent dwarf, Dinklage is particularly brilliant at creating a character out of little more than body language and facial expressions. His work here offers definitive proof that some of the greatest acting and character development can be accomplished with a minimum of dialogue.

Cute Cat Pics

2008-03-21T21:49:00.005-05:00

BabyGirl in Mommy's computer chair. Notice the comfortable position.

Sleepy BabyGirl monopolizing Hubby's pillow.

Drama & Stetson helping with the laundry. All of that used to be in the basket.

Snowed In

2008-03-21T20:21:00.005-05:00

Again. We got off from work today to have a long holiday weekend. But nothing really got accomplished. As of 8pm we apparently have 6 inches with more on the way. 6 doesn't sound like much but I'm just so sick of driving in the snow. I wanted to go furniture shopping to match the new platform bed that should be arriving some day soon. And I wanted to go to the Frugal Muse to get more books. I've plowed through several (ok, more like dozens) lately and am on my last one right now. We have hundreds of books in the apartment but they fall into 2 categories; a) books I've already read and b) books I have no interest in (read: Hubby's books.) We're driving to East Troy on Sunday to make my Mom happy by taking part in family holidays. Hubby is exercising his Italian heritage by making lasagna for the meal. Thankfully, my family has gotten sick of the old Easter standards. I've found (and been found by) some old friends on My Space. Most of them are married and/or have children. Still so strange to me. It really makes me waver on my no children stance.

Pass It On

2008-03-20T22:50:00.003-05:00

Dragonnette roxorz my soxorz. They do the song on the new JC Penney commercial but if you go to their MySpace you can listen to some of their other songs. I highly recommend you take 2 and call me in the morning.

Heh, They Said Balls

2008-03-16T13:18:00.003-05:00

This site is neat to look at. They have shirts and stuff with the artist's original art and a few comics. It's dark humor, which is the best, of course. Aside from sarcasm.

Go check out Fuzzy Balls Apparel.

Worth Repeating

2008-03-15T23:24:00.003-05:00

"Bitch may be the new Black. But Black is the new President, Bitch." Tracy Morgan on SNL 03/15/08

Why I'm a Mac Snob

2008-03-15T21:07:00.003-05:00

Because I've had my Mac for over 3 years and have had to take it in once. Hubby has had his expensive, top of the line Dell since August and he's been on the phone with tech support like once a month. He's on with them right now cuz the PC is just rebooting itself over and over.

Medication

2008-03-15T20:42:00.004-05:00

I couldn't think of a poignant photograph for this entry. Life goes on. I go to work. I come home. I go to my DBSA meetings every Thursday and always come out of them feeling better. This last meeting had 2 new people there and one of them pissed me off. He said that medication was "the easy way out." As I'm sure you can tell from my more personal entries, I'm not having an easy time of it and I've been on meds for almost 4 years now. It's not easy. It's never been easy. I told Hubby what this dude said and he said that guy should try living with me on my bad days. I wish medication was a quick fix. Life with depression, any depression, be it my dysthymia, major depression or bipolar disorder is never easy. It's difficult going through the unmedicated, undiagnosed years. You never feel like you belong. You suffer from the moods you go through, how painful every failure is, how hurtful every criticism is, how you never live up to anyone's expectations and hurt every person you care about trying to find SOMETHING that will make you happy. And the confusion of "what the hell is wrong with me?" You always have hope, but the joy seems unattainable and you don't know how or why you ended up making the "wrong" choice all the time. I remember never being what my mother wanted. I remember hurting boyfriends, a lot. I remember asking my mom to take me to a psychologist and having her tell me it was just PMS. Years later, after my suicide attempt, I begged her to take me to an inpatient clinic, she told me to go back to bed and it would all be better in the morning. I'm not bitter. But that is another struggle; having to deal with people who don't understand that our brains just don't work the same way other peoples' do. Then when put on medication, there is the anger. I was angry that I wasn't diagnosed earlier. I felt that if I had been, I wouldn't have so many broken relationships in my past. I might have more friends. I might have gotten through college without a suicide attempt. Even on medication, I have bad days, I hate everyone, I can do nothing right, I don't want to do anything or want anyone to need anything from me. It's too much. Medication is not an easy out. It helps the lows not be as low as they could be. It keeps one foot moving in front of the other but it takes things away as well. My creativity. My ability to remember things. I'll be speaking and forget the word I want to use or someone's name. I seem to be a muted version of myself. But I know that if my life hadn't happened the way it did, I may never have found Hubby. I'm grateful for that.

How Much Are YOU Worth?

2008-03-15T20:26:00.001-05:00

Crazy Crafty Cat Chick's Police Sketch

2008-03-15T14:10:00.002-05:00

As close as I could get. Go do it for yourself. And I wanna see the results!

My First Crush

2008-03-15T13:16:00.005-05:00

Hubby's watching a documentary on Star Trek 4 - The Voyage Home and of course, there is a lot of Leonard Nimoy in it since he directed that one. I love seeing Leonard. I had the biggest crush on Spock when I was younger. Now that I think back on it, my first 3 or 4 boyfriends had a resemblance to Leonard. At least coloring-wise. I was attracted to the Brown hair/brown eyes, slender boys. In high school, my "type" changed. Or maybe I just added a second type. I like to call it the Steven Page type. Hubby is that type. So, go watch Star Trek 4. If not for Spock trying to swear and failing hilariously, then for the Russian asking Americans where the "nuclear wessels" are. I didn't get why that was so funny when I was younger. I was a bit sheltered.

Video Smile of the Week

2008-03-08T23:05:00.000-06:00

Blah blah BLAH VLAKFJH!!!!!

Houses

2008-03-08T15:37:00.003-06:00

This is one of the houses we're going to look at tomorrow. 3 bedrooms and 1 bath. I think the 2 smaller bedrooms are on the 2nd level. It's listed as 1 1/2 floor house. It's so cute. At least from the outside, right? I'm really excited about the possibility of a house for the cats. I don't think that our 2 bed 2 bath 1000 s/ft apartment is too small for 2 adults and 5 cats but I'd love for them to have a house to run around in. It's really close to downtown so the capitol, State St and the university are all under 10 miles away. Probably more like 5 miles. We're so metropolitan.

Cute Politics

2008-03-03T20:29:00.003-06:00

From Cute Overload

This just in...

Marmalade-colored kittehs have officially endorsed, paws swingin', for Obama. We'll keep you posted on more pet/election coverage as it HAPPENS!

Update on Job, Depression, Etc

2008-03-02T15:31:00.002-06:00

Well, I'm still at my job. I had to turn down a job I interviewed for because Hubby wants a house. Don't get me wrong, I want a house, too. I'm paid too much and the benefits are too good to leave my job now if we want to move and get a mortgage. So, I'm okay where I am as long as people leave me alone. I'd love to have a cute little bungalow for the cats to roam. And I'd like to build a big sun porch or something so they could go outside and enjoy the sun.

How Crewel

2008-03-02T15:19:00.003-06:00

I ordered some books from Amazon the other day and I got them yesterday. They're new books on crewel and embroidery. The first one is The New Crewel by Katherine Shaughnessy. The other is Doodle-Stitching by Aimee Ray. I just have to get all of the accoutrement and then I'll start working on stuff. I quit smoking 2 weeks ago so I need something to keep my hands busy and my mind occupied.

What a Handsome Fellow

2008-02-15T21:48:00.003-06:00

Yeah, that's Ron Jeremy. I just wanted to share the retro hunkiness.

This had to be done

2008-02-08T18:19:00.002-06:00

This makes me lose my shit every time.

Cool Music?

2008-02-07T22:53:00.000-06:00

Go here. Jesse discovered this blog. There are a bunch of links to music. Let me know if you like any of them. Laters!

Wish Me Luck

2008-02-05T21:28:00.000-06:00

I have 2 interviews coming up. One is tomorrow and the other is on Thursday. They are both for support worker positions helping the developmentally disabled live fuller lives. I want these so badly. Hearkening back to my INFP personality profile, this is something I was made to do. I have to have a career which I can feel is a cause, something I believe in. Both positions are about $4 less an hour than what I am making now. So, there will be sacrifices. I'm afraid that Hubby will hold that against me. I woke up at 5am this morning with anxiety about it. I will HAVE to quit smoking. One, it costs too much and if I'm going to be making that much less money, I have to give that up. And two, I want to be able to go for walks (if they can) and do things with the people I'll be caring for. I feel like this will be just a beneficial for me as it will be for them.

Video Smile of the Week

2008-02-02T14:05:00.000-06:00

Canadian Kittens VS American Kittens

Who ya got!?

I'm taking vacation next week

2008-02-02T13:28:00.001-06:00

I've taken off all of next week. I have one phone interview, hopefully another face to face interview and I'm going to go to a lot of the staffing agencies. I REALLY need to get out of where I am. I feel trapped. I applied for a position in another dept to work under a guy that I've come to really like and respect but didn't get it. He told me he hired a kid (in the company) whose father owns an agency (what does that have to do with anything?) and he doesn't know how long this kid is going to stay with the company. But he had reservations about the fact that I don't get along with my supervisors. He knows WHY I don't! He said himself that he doesn't approve of the people my manager promotes because he sees them as yes people that have no idea how to manage people. So, he has that conversation with me at my interview and thanks me for my honesty and then uses it against me? All I can think is that he spoke to my manager and she talked shit about how "difficult" I am. So, I'm pissed. And I'm ready to go. NOW.
That day I went to my DBSA meeting and as we went around the room with our check in, everyone seemed to have problems so much more important than mine. Who am I to be having such a hard time just because I hate my job and have made the environment difficult on myself due to my break downs at work? Anyways, check ins took forever and I was last. As I sat there I became more and more angry. I couldn't even tell you why. But as time went on I started running my thumb nail against the inside of my wrist of the other arm. Then I noticed I was marking myself and just kept doing it. It was like, I wonder if I can make myself bleed? How much would that hurt? After the fact, I realize that's kind of scary. It was like a really mild form of self mutilation. I was angry about the job, about feeling trapped and feeling like everyone else had more important problems. I feel trapped because I'm either over qualified for other jobs I want, or I'm qualified but someone else is more qualified. I can't just quit because we have bills and my husband needs health insurance for his diabetes and other ailments.
The scratches are still there. I didn't make myself bleed, but I did leave scratches. But I don't think it scares me as much as it should. The last time I did this was before my suicide attempt over a decade ago. I drew a razor over my skin several times to see how much it hurt. To make marks. At that time I felt trapped as well. I was living far away from home, had dropped out of college to go to cosmetology school, had no real friends, and my boyfriend (whom we now know has Asperger's) was cheating on me and giving me mixed signals. I felt so alone, and trapped.
I'm okay, really. I just need an escape. I need a new job.

A Post From La's Blog

2008-01-25T21:26:00.000-06:00

This is from another blog I read. Go check her out. She writes much better than I do.

Depression as an Illness

To anyone who has ever been seriously ill, anyone who has ever had polio, it's probably quite galling to hear me describe depression as a sickness. It probably sounds passive and self-pitying. After all, it's internal, it might even be something I've done to myself, I've got some say in it.

After all, it's in my head.

As if that makes it any less real. Or any less frightening.

I resent the implication that depression and anxiety are character faults or signs of weakness.

If you aren't depressed and anxious then you just haven't thought hard enough.

At one of the group therapy sessions I attended in the summer, we were handed a checklist of typical "depressive" thoughts. It felt strangely reassuring to be able to tick them off as they occurred - to be able to say to myself 'this is an illness, it isn't me, it isn't who I am.'

Instead of 'What's wrong with you? You need to get it together. You can't go on like this.'

My psychologist asserts that these kind of thoughts are part of a depressive thought cycle, guaranteed to bring about self-hatred, feelings of inadequacy and, well, depression. Even if I don't fully submit to the theory that I'm not responsible for how I feel, I understand that beating myself up isn't helpful.

I think it should motivate me. It doesn't. Instead of a kick up the arse, it's just a kick in the teeth.

Depression isn't something to deny or rail against. It's an illness that needs to be treated.

Is this Guy a Brother?

2008-01-22T19:52:00.000-06:00

Barack Obama showed his sense of humor the other night during the debate. His response was actually long and serious, until the end. Then he busted my shit up...

(CNN) – The first leading black presidential candidate got a tough question last night about one of his biggest campaign trail foes: the ‘first black president.’

CNN’s Joe Johns asked Barack Obama whether he thought former President Bill Clinton was the nation’s ‘first black president,’ an observation famously coined by black Nobel laureate Toni Morrison.

“Bill Clinton did have an enormous affinity with the African-American community, and still does, and I think that’s well-earned,” said Obama, who has spent the past few days locked in a high-profile war of words with the former president, who has been stumping on behalf of his wife Hillary Clinton.

But he wasn’t quite ready to grant Clinton Morrison’s honorary title just yet. “I would have to investigate more Bill’s dancing abilities, you know, some of this other stuff before I accurately judged whether he was in fact a ‘brother,’” joked the Illinois senator.

Monday’s Democratic presidential debate was sponsored by CNN and the Congressional Black Caucus Institute and held on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Roughly half the Democratic primary voters in this Southern state are black.

The Democratic presidential primary will be held this Saturday, January 26.

Video Smile of the Week

2008-01-19T23:04:00.000-06:00

Siberian Lynx lovin. So sweet. No, it isn't illegal to have one. You just need to be responsible if you choose to live with one.

A Big Bucket of Suck

2008-01-19T22:26:00.001-06:00

It was a whopping 2 degrees today in Wisconsin's capitol. ALMOST too cold to go see Cloverfield. Almost.

Cloverfield rocks. It's what a movie should be. It takes you on a ride. And doesn't wrap itself up in a pretty bow for you at the end. Go see it.

I have an interview on Tuesday for a position in my company's claims department. I really want to work for the supervisor there so I'm hoping for the best. I had a phone interview the other day for another position in some other company and they think I'm overqualified. Bah.

I Tried

2008-01-13T13:10:00.001-06:00

I tried quitting smoking. Maybe I should start it on a work day. Seems I was a bit testy yesterday and Hubby got the brunt of it all. After a particularly disappointing exchange, I left at midnight and called Jesse to go get a beer or something. Thing is, Madison is a no smoking town and that was all I wanted to do last night. So, we just drove around talking and slipping around on the snow. Oy.

If we don't take yesterday into account. I'm doing really well on the Cymbalta and supplements. It MAY be the magic combo. Hubby said I'm laughing and smiling more. And I've found myself doing little dances and being pretty silly. I guess I just need to be put in solitary confinement until I'm over nicotine addiction.

Post Secret

2008-01-10T19:53:00.001-06:00

We all have secrets. Things that sometimes we don't even want to admit to ourselves. Things in the past you are ashamed (or proud) of. Things you want but "shouldn't." I have secrets. From my mom, my friends, my husband. Some of them hurt, some of them scare me. But what are you going to do?

Late Xmas Gifts

2008-01-09T18:10:00.001-06:00

My gifts from Dark Candles came today. Hubby ordered a whole bunch of different sets for me. So, now I have a bunch of yummy candles with names like Absinthe, Midnight Mass, Naughty or Nice, Winter Solstice, Ballsy Broad, Attention Whore, Nosferatu and Lilith. Yum.

Video Smile of the Week

2008-01-08T21:29:00.001-06:00

Buy A Shirt...

2008-01-08T20:57:00.000-06:00

No, not from me. These are shirts with the House-ism, "Everybody Lies" to raise money for NAMI, the National Association for Mental Illness. Here's the link.

I also love love love this one, too. Some day soon, I'll buy it.

Mystery Video

2008-01-01T21:48:00.000-06:00

This video mysteriously appeared on my Mac today. I don't know how it got there but I thought I'd share. These are 3 of the cats that Jesse and I rescued. They live with him, now. Kiki came to us at a pound and a half. She was tiny and still is. She's probably only about 6 pounds now. Comedie was our first adoptee. She's a crazy ginger cat. A total sweet heart. Gris came to us as a foster with tapeworms and a sweet disposition. He's very much an alpha male. They're three of the best cats in the world. Now I have to make a little video of my five.

Pills, pills, pills

2007-12-30T18:54:00.001-06:00

I'm taking the supplements again. With my Cymbalta this time. So, Cymbalta with a chaser of B100, D400, L-Tyrosine and 5 HTP. So far I'm doing well but I shouldn't really see a difference until about a week. I think going off the meds last time kind of screwed me up. So, with my psychiatrist's advice, I'm doing them in tandem to see what happens. I should see and improvement with energy and mood. We'll see.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-29T22:58:00.000-06:00

I haven't made resolutions for years. I knew I wouldn't follow through. Probably forgot about them a month later. But I like to think that I'm a bit more self aware now. I know there are things I need to change and/or work on. So here goes.

1. Eat healthier. It's hard when you have those months that are tight and you really can't afford much that isn't processed or pasta. Hubby is a diabetic and he's gained a lot of weight since we've gotten married. I think there's enabling on both sides. I don't say anything when he's overeating and he won't say anything about the fact that I just finished off the cookies.
2. Quit smoking. Again. I was doing really well for about 6 months. Then I just said, "screw it, give me a cigarette." The thing is, I really enjoy smoking. It's like a time out for me sometimes. And compared to what a lot of other depressed individuals get addicted to, it's not that bad. That sounds like justification, doesn't it?
3. Make a career change. I've stayed too long in corporate America. It's not for me and I am definitely not for it. I had personality/career tests last year. I'm an INFP. That means doing something meaningful is important to me. I need to see a positive outcome of my endeavors and right now; I'm just a cog in a machine. Not the place for me. My unhappiness with my job truly affects my mood. Some people can leave their job at work, but I can't. The waste of my life weighs heavily on my psyche and it comes out in my words and actions.

Wanna know what INFP stands for? Here you go.

4. Work on intimacy in my marriage. Intimacy in general. Marriage really is hard. There are a lot of things to learn and communication really is a big one. I know, you hear that all the time, but it's true. I never realized how much work goes into marriage. You think being in love is enough. It truly is not.

Video Smile of the Week

2007-12-29T00:28:00.000-06:00

Christmas is here

2007-12-24T14:05:00.001-06:00

Hubby didn't get me the necklace I wanted but I forgive him cuz he got me this. Loves it. And I got the three Dexter books, yeah! Plus he gave me a silver cat necklace that's pretty cool. He got 1 GB of ram, the Special Edition Blade Runner set that comes in the silver briefcase, a new set of pajama pants and a bunch of old Dr Who books. We're going to mom's today to exchange with her and her man. Then tomorrow we have to go to Kenosha to see hubby's family. Never a dull moment.

A Shout Out

2007-12-22T23:42:00.000-06:00

In my last post I mentioned what I want for Xmas. Here is the link to the jeweler's Etsy page. I of course LOVE the cat lover pendant but this heart pendant is a close second. Her work is really beautiful and modern.

It's beginning to look a lot like...the Holidays?

2007-12-22T23:34:00.001-06:00

I used to identify myself as Wiccan. I never got into the "spells;" just the ideology. Now I say I'm agnostic. I think there is some higher power, but I don't assume to know what it is. I occasionally pray, ask for help and give thanks for what I have. Anyways, it's holiday time and I hope everyone gets what they want this year. I know Hubby will, I arranged for that. Will I? If I don't, I'll buy it myself. Here's what I want more than anything else in the world.

Worth 1000

2007-12-18T18:28:00.000-06:00

Worth1000.com has changed their layout. It may be style over substance, though. Since I'm learning graphic design, submitting photoshopped items to their contests is fun and I've learned some things, too.

So this is Christmas

2007-12-16T19:50:00.001-06:00

We put up the tree today. I'm still fighting my cold. It's pretty bad and I'm so wiped out. Anyways, we got the tree up and the cats seem to be leaving it alone so far.
I think the 60mg of Cymbalta is working out okay.

Hello, My Name is Mrs Melvin and I'm an Addict

2007-12-15T21:14:00.000-06:00

This is my last fix that I bought today. I have a serious addiction to lip gloss. Usually Bonnie Bell but I'm an equal opportunity addict. It all started when I was young and my mom wouldn't let me wear make up. The best I could get was cherry Chap Stick and then I discovered Dr Pepper Bonnie Bell. I still buy the Dr Pepper gloss. Loves it.

They Rained on my Parade

2007-12-12T17:22:00.001-06:00

Well, I didn't get that job I spent 8 hours interviewing for. I know that they interview about 20 people a day for various positions and that everyone wants to work there. So, chances were slim, but it still sucks. I know my job right now isn't so bad. But I'm ready for a change and I dislike my new boss. What am I to do? Oh well, life goes on.

If you aren't watching, you're missing out

2007-12-11T21:18:00.001-06:00

Dexter - It's on Showtime and you need to watch it. I wasn't really feeling Michael C Hall on 6 Feet Under. I loved the show but his character never did much for me. But on Dexter, you can't help but love him. You'll be screaming at your TV, "kill him!" when Dexter gets into trouble. It's one of those shows that gets it just right when making the "bad" guy into the the hero.

Silly Cat Pics

2007-12-09T13:37:00.000-06:00

This is Rob "training" Drama to like being held.

This is Drama trying to flee.

This is Drama hiding from the Big Meanie afterwards. 5 minutes later she forgot she was mad and went right back up on his lap.

Soap Pics

2007-12-09T13:35:00.001-06:00

Here are the finished bars from last night. I like the color, or lack there of. And the scent is light and still pretty unisex, I suppose.

And hubby gave me his cold.

New Artist

2007-12-09T13:12:00.000-06:00

Not really new, cause I've been listening to her songs for a while now but this is her first album release. It's really good. Kind of like Poe with with a bit more rock and an orchestra thrown in for balance. I don't know, I'm not a music critic. It just really like it. And she has a beautiful voice.

Sizzope in the Hizzouse

2007-12-08T21:17:00.001-06:00

I made another hot process soap tonight. It's a sandlewood/blood orange/lavender. A very manly scented soap. And I didn't use any additives (except a little sweet almond for superfatting) or olive oil so it looks like it's going to be a pretty whitish soap.

I heard from the chick from Epic the other day. They have to get through all of the applicants and then I should know on the 11th if I got a job or not. She said she was sorry it was taking so long and that everyone who spoke to be really enjoyed meeting me. I hope I get the job. Aside from getting out of where I am now, my 401K will be a real help for some things. I know. I'm supposed to transfer it over to a new account but right now, paying off a few things and buying some stuff we really need is a bit more important.

Wish me luck.

Call my ass!

2007-12-01T16:42:00.000-06:00

Waiting for the new job to call me back. They've left messages for my references and are waiting to hear back. Thing is, they said that on Tuesday. Dang it all. I've been waiting with baited breath since then. Everyday is a struggle not to scream at my new supervisor. She's an idiot. No, really. Someone asked her who her favorite author was and she said, I don't read books. SHE... DOESN'T... READ... BOOKS. I gotta bail soon, or else.

Mood Update

2007-11-25T18:49:00.001-06:00

I've been through the phone interview, 1st interview and the 2nd interview for my new job. As of right now, I'm questioning whether I even want it. I'm 30 and I have no direction in my life, nothing to work towards. So what's the point. I'm not doing anything worth while for the world or anyone at all for that matter. But what can I do? I screwed up college so I could try to be happy with a guy. And now I'm making too much money (and have too many bills) to go back to school. I want a point to my life. I want to feel good about life in general. Right now, I don't feel that.

Soap Update

2007-11-04T13:32:00.001-06:00

Here are the soaps I made. The blue is the Relaxing scent, kind of baby powder-ish, and the beige is Blood Orange/Patchouli with oatmeal.

Meds update - The doc put me on Cymbalta. So far things are going okay. No big side effects and I haven't wanted to cry for no reason. And no out of control anger or anxiety lately.

New Job, Hopefully

2007-11-04T13:15:00.000-06:00

This is the campus for the place I've applied to. I really hope to get the job but it's kind of a long shot. They're very exclusive and even though I'm not applying for a programmer job, I'm still afraid I won't make the cut. Wish me luck. I feel like I'm applying to college again. They really focus on your intelligence, which I'm not afraid of. But they also asked for my college transcripts. And with my unmedicated Dysthymia, my college years weren't very productive. It also didn't help that I had to pay for my own classes and work part time. So, my focus could never just be on college. I lived at home and had to work. I pray that since that was a decade ago, they won't hold that against me.

I don't have much to say...

2007-10-22T18:40:00.001-05:00

Just I need to keep up with this. I applied for a new job again. I'm not on anything, no meds, no supplements. Probably not a good idea but I feel pretty helpless with and without them. I think the Wellbutrin makes me anxious, maybe just taking the Lexapro would be okay. The supplements make me wake up in the middle of the night. I just feel blah.
I went to Roller Derby with Jesse and Rob on Saturday. I had fun. Still don't really know what was going or the rules. But it was cool.

Big Ol' Soap Batch

2007-10-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

Today I did my 2nd batch of hot process soap. It's made with olive, coconut and palm oil. With BrambleBerry's Relaxing scent and blue coloring.

I didn't take many pics but first I melted all the oils in the crock pot, made the lye solution and combined the two.

Then, using my stick blender I stirred til trace. Then I let it cook til the gel stage.
This is the start of the gel stage. The gelling soap is starting to take over the uncooked part.
About a half hour later I stirred the pot to blend it more.

And ended up with mashed potatoes.
Then, I took a bunch out, put in the color and scent. Swirled it back in. And voila! Soap! It looks ugly. But we'll see what it looks like after it cools and gets cut.
I liked the shape of the Hershey's tub. I think those will look nice.

The Moon

2007-10-12T21:00:00.000-05:00

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Update!

2007-10-11T20:14:00.000-05:00

I got a hair cut. Thumbs down. I got my order of soap supply stuff from Wholesale Supplies Plus today. Thumbs up. I'm really looking forward to making more hot process soap. My first batch turned out really well. Thing is, I have the sampler pack of essential oils and a bunch of other fragrance oils that I don't really know what to do with. Here's what I have.

a LOT of Blood Orange - more of an orange rind scent so it needs to be blended with something else
Papaya
Patchouli
Apple
Plumeria
Rosemary
Carnation
Sandlewood - think this will have to be used for a soap for J
Coco Butter
Green Tea
Magnolia
Eucalyptus
Rose
Almond
Hydrangea
White Tea
Lavender
Anise
Peppermint (1st press - kind of smells like a not sweet doublemint gum)
Peppermint (2nd press - smells more like the red and white candies)
Lemongrass
Spearmint
Litsea Cubeba - smells like Citronella
Tea Tree
Orange Valencia
Fir Needle

Do you see any good combinations in there? I need to buy some Vanilla EO.

Whoo Hoo

2007-10-05T21:55:00.001-05:00

I got an email titled, "Would you like to interview with us?" from A Woman's Touch. Now just pray that the pay isn't too far below what I make now. Provided thay even offer me the job. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to wear. What says, "I'm serious about getting this job but not a total stick in the mud?"

BTW, I dyed my hair black in preparation. So, no more pink. But I'm still cool looking. That's a given.

Get me out of here!

2007-10-03T21:27:00.001-05:00

So, of course it could be the fact that the supplements haven't really kicked in, yet. But I feel like my feline friend here. I feel locked in a cage at work. I can't leave without a new job or at least without actually getting fired. Unemployment you know. I applied at an AWESOME store the other day. It's my dream job. The store is called A Woman's Touch. I wanted to be the next Dr Ruth when I was younger so this is such an exciting prospect for me. I never even got the birds and the bees talk. Much ot my mother's chagrin, I already knew more than her when it was "time." Not that I was sexually active early, I just already knew everything somehow. It probably had something to do with reading way too above my level. Anyways, this is my shining ray of hope right now and I REALLY want this job. It'll be far less pay than what I make working for the man but I'll gladly take a 2nd job to be happy. Cross your fingers for me. Pray to God, or Allah or Buddah, whoever you think can help. Please. Because if I don't escape soon, I may kill someone. Seriously.

Got my supplements

2007-09-28T22:43:00.001-05:00

Yup, got my package from Puritan's Pride today. Got my 5-HTP, L-Tyroside, D vitamins and B100. These were, for lack of a better term, "prescribed" by my psychiatrist when I said I wanted to go off the Lexapro and Wellbutrin. Well, we'll see how it goes. Tomorrow. I forgot the package at work. Doh! In other news, I spoke to the Claims supervisor in my company today to let him know that I'd like to transfer to his department. He said to come down on Wednesday and he'll tell me what I need to do to prepare for applying for a claims position. It's nice to have hope. Wish me luck.

And I'm awesome

2007-09-26T19:55:00.001-05:00

I'm a genius, kinda.

2007-09-26T19:47:00.001-05:00

So Sayeth Stewie...

2007-09-25T21:21:00.001-05:00

Today the Skank left for lunch and an hour and a half later I noticed she wasn't back. A bit after that we got an email saying she'd "quit." Our company doesn't really fire people. What the do is invite you to search for another job while still working. I guess she didn't like being told that she sucked so she bailed. I am so glad! It's been a hard six months with her retarded ass. And now she's gone. WHOO HOO! She was a c*nt from the beginning (I NEVER use that word.) And she should have been fired 5 months ago. BUT some of the chicks at work made some off hand comment about Hmong people and that they eat dog or something and she got offended. (She's Hmong.) So the management started walking on eggshells and kissing her stank ass. Ever since then I have pointed out every stupid thing she did and how she abused the pussiness of the management. And now she's gone. I love it.

Warning: Danger of Death

2007-09-24T19:46:00.001-05:00

I'm off my meds. I have yet to receive the supplements that my psychiatrist told me to get. So, I'm a bit "snippy." Work is getting to me. This morning I almost thought about bouncing and checking myself in somewhere so I didn't kill someone. I am unable to deal with stress and get very tense. I tend to say things a well balanced person wouldn't. We're behind at work (which makes the company down in premium for the month) due to the Skank calling out sick all last week. (I hate her.) One of the supervisors in the company came over to talk to a coworker of mine and spouted some corporate speak shit like, "get em out" referring to the issues we are behind on. I piped up with, "If I hear that one more time I swear I will kill you with my bare hands." It was said with a smile but I think I can be a bit intimidating. She exited hastily. Thing is, I know I shouldn't say things like that at work, but I kind of can't stop myself in the moment. We'll see how long I have my job if I keep on like this. Wish me luck. :)

Big Money Hustlas

2007-09-21T23:10:00.000-05:00

Just watched ICP's Big Money Hustlas. (Thanks Malice!) It's funny. They never take themselves too seriously and I love that about them. Maybe it's the fact that I've been a horror fan from little on or maybe it's the fact that I, too, am a toilet mouth; but I love Insane Clown Posse. Occasionally, I like to threaten the lives of morons, too (usually in WalMart.) They're venting, maybe you don't like the way they express it but in the end, they are funny, honest, original and really mean no harm. Can't we all benefit from giving in to the crazy just a little bit?